If you had the opportunity to sit over your son's shoulder while he was taking an important test at school, would you be able to sit in silence while he misused the multiple choice section; resulting in all answers being recorded incorrectly? If he answered that 8x100 is 80, would you nudge him on the shoulder and whisper, "800" or do you think you could sit back and allow him to make his own mistakes that he will later learn from? There is a reason the public school system doesn't allow parent visitors on important testing days - It's the same reason parent interference in youth sports is a major issue in the development and learning process of many youth athletes today.
If you tell your child the answer to a test question, you are encouraging cheating; that little word that we preach about on a consistent basis. But in the heat of the moment, it's difficult for a parent to embrace the ideas that we feel are important for our children to follow, over our own obsessions with seeing our children be successful. Let's face it, we want a 100 on that test - and we want a win on that scoreboard; subconsciously this desire is more powerful than our desire to see them learn to do things the correct way.
Then, there is the competitive aspect of youth sports that when combined with physical contact, takes this bundle of parent emotions often to a place known as "overboard." If one of your son's classmates cheated on his test at school to get a 100. Would you tell your child that the boy's actions were wrong? Or, would you advise your child to take up cheating on the next test so that he too can bring home a better grade? With the assumption that 99.9% of parents would answer that question with an abrupt, "I would never encourage cheating in the classroom!" One must ask himself, why encouraging foul play on the football field or on the basketball court isn't shunned with the same type of distaste by modern parents.
I was at a youth basketball game in Atascocita, Texas over the weekend, watching a group of nine and ten year old boys battle it out for an undefeated record in the Atascocita Basketball League. Both teams were very aggressive and high-spirited; well-trained and with a well-thought out game plan for this outing. They were also both leading the league in high scores and entered this game with perfect season records. So, for lack of a better explanation, the game was a competition that would determine who would be the number one team for the 2011 basketball season.
It was half-time and only a 3 point difference separated the two teams. I saw one of the father's pull his son aside for a quick pep-talk before they took the court for the second half of play. "You're letting that kid foul you and push you around like a Sissy!" he told the child. "I want you to put him on his butt, every single play! I don't care if you get penalties, you foul him every single play if you have to - get physical and take that kid out of the game." I had to pinch myself and survey my surroundings to make sure that I was in fact at a nine year old basketball game, and hadn't wandered off into a UFC mixed marshal arts event. "Take that kid out?" -- "Foul him every single play"? Although the father's words were shocking during that moment, the situation is one that I've grown quite accustomed to; and it was certainly not my first time to witness a parent giving a child questionable advice during a youth sporting event.
Now, back to the original question: Would we advise our children to cheat on a test in order to get a better grade? Do we as parents feel that it's more important to teach our children to follow rules and succeed the right way, or is winning the only focus that we want from our children, when in subject of competitive sports? If we compare the scenarios described above, is there really a difference between the two? The father felt that the boy on the other team was fouling his son; and therefore ordered his son to foul the kid back, in return. Again, if your child's classmate cheated on a test for a better grade would you then advise your child to do the same? How might this advice be confusing for a child?
The Parent Perspective Exercise:
The parent perspective test can be a helpful tool to keep your focus on the positive lessons that your children can benefit from as a participant in youth sports - and off of the emotional challenges that we face in wanting our children to be successful on the scoreboard. The process is built on taking factors that develop and shape a child's outlook on achieving goals in the classroom and applying them to the ball field, the basketball court or even the football field.
First, assume that your child is preparing for a big test. Make a list of items that can deflect your child from succeeding on this test and translate those items into a list of rules for successful testing. The list may look something like this:
Preparation for Testing:
- Pay attention to the lessons and follow your Teacher's orders.
- Participate in class activities and work with your classmates on projects that will prepare you for the test.
- Study at home and review the lessons provided by your teacher.
- Eat healthy prior to testing
- Get a good night sleep the night before your test.
For best results during Testing:
- Remember the lessons from your teacher when answering questions.
- Try your absolute best on every question, regardless of how long and tiring the test may be - answer all answers to the best of your ability.
- Read the directions carefully and follow those directions on every single section of the test.
- Do not CHEAT! Looking off of another student's test, using notes or any other devices to get the test answers will result in a 0!
- Follow rules that are necessary for the other students to do well - Do not disturb others. Do not talk during testing.
You can think up a number of additional items that are important factors in successful testing for your child; for the purpose of this exercise, we'll go with the items listed above. Now, we'll make a list of factors that are important for your child to be successful in his or her sport, mirroring the items that we used for testing. In this exercise we'll use youth basketball:
Preparation for your basketball game:
- Pay attention to what your coach teaches you at practice.
- Always be a team player, and focus on the position that you were assigned on the team.
- Practice as much as possible.
- Eat healthy and drink lots of water
- Get a good nights sleep the night before your game.
For best results during the game:
- Listen to your coach and run the plays as they were designed.
- Try our hardest. Never give up and give 100% effort at all times on the court.
- Follow all of the league and game rules and direction from the officials while playing. - (Don't foul. Don't double dribble. Don't travel, etc.)
- Do not CHEAT! Breaking the game rules, trying to injure another player or any other act of non-compliance can result in removal from the game.
- Show good sportsmanship to your own team and the other team.
Amazingly, it's pretty simple to complete a list of priorities that are required for your child to be successful in school with similar objectives applied to his or her performance in sports. The key to using the list is to apply it to the advice that we give our children before, during and after each game - and to embed in our own minds as parents a clear and concise vision of what we want our children to take away from their experience in sports - while understanding that every action we make as parents sets an example that our children will learn from. Keep your list with you at practices and games and perform an assessment on how well your child is performing in each item that you have assigned to your list.
Go over these items with your child and maintain focus on the goals at hand, rather than the game scores.
Sike-O Sports Mom
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